Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
