You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
