Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
