I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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