ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
