Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
