mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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