You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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