i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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