Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's like heaven, but drunker
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
