My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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