we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
