The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
