Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
