a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
