If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My balls are so social today.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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