If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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