In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
