i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
