Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He did a backflip because drugs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
