im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
