I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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