Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
