WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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