My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
