Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
