you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
