im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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