my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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