Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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