Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
