what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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