love makes seman taste better
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
