Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
