If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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