oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
