rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
