I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Can i not drive my cunt home
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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