he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
