Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize