Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The beer is more important than you right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
