i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
