I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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