so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
