if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
