haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
