he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
