Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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