it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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