Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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