turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
