sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
