My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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