glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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