she woke up with a sticky ear
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
