happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
