im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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