I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
