wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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