that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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