I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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