dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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