Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
