Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
