Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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