is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
