Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
