there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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